Moving Part 2

If you haven't read part 1, good for you. It wasn't much of a read anyway - but neither will this be. But if you're bored off your ass, keep reading.

There are many theories on moving. I'll try to cover or invent three here. Why three? Well, why not? I mean, just about everything in the bible happens in threes... and if 3 is good enough for God, it's good enough for me.

Theory 1: "Fuck it, let's go."

This is a simple theory that is true to its name. In fact, its name comes from the exact phrase that is often uttered when a couple of guys have just finished strapping a 200 pound dresser to the top of a Gremlin, bottomed it out, and nearly flattened one of the tires. One will look at the other and with all the conviction he can muster, say, "Fuck it. Let's go."
This phrase is also often used by the disgruntled husband who has been subjected to the relentless commands of the "Be Careful With That" wife. We will discuss this theory in more depth after I've exhausted the current topic...
On second thought, "Fuck it. Let's go."

Theory 2: "Be Careful With That"

This theory is more than just a theory. It's also a phrase. A very, very, very, very annoying phrase. Really, did you think I was planning on NOT being careful with it? Do you think I've been sitting around all day plotting and planning and that I am now on the brink of executing my master plan to not be careful? Please. I've had better things to do. Between football and porn, I barely have time to text the girl next door, much less plan on breaking my own shit.
As a theory, "Be Careful With That" is less a method of moving and more a method, often unconscious, for control. Never will you hear the doers utter the phrase. Nay, this phrase only escapes the lips of the bystanders, the orchestrators, the bourgeois. Always remember, allowing them the luxury of this pseudo-control keeps them happy. It is always your right and choice to form an uprising, overthrow the power structures, or refuse to produce... should you so choose.

Theory 3: "I wore flip-flops"

This is a theory employed primarily by helpers or friends. Look, carrying a dresser or desk is bad enough in and of itself - but nobody wants to be the one to walk backwards. This is especially true when you're not even moving your own shit. So, my advice to you (that is, unless you are helping me move) is this: when you are imposed upon to help a "friend" move his shit, wear flip-flops.
You gain 2 intense advantages from this theory. (1) You avoid having to walk backwards, and (2) you subtly punish the imposer for having imposed. You've probably done this subconsciously in the past, but now that you are aware of it, you can apply the theory knowingly and you will get so much more out if the experience.

There you have it. Part 2. Yes it was brief and dim, but at least it was brief.